User:Badmachine/sandbox

**DRAFT** MAD PROPZ TO MEEPSHEEP FOR BEING CLUED IN ALL ALONG TO WHAT A DICK IRONHOLDS IS (he said 'it practically wrote itself') :D

SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO ENCYCLOPEDIA DRAMATICA, WHO IS ILL AND DYING OF AIDS, MUCH LIKE THE BELOVED TOWN SKANK*

*not intended to refer to any specific person

---

His "sexy serial killer" look

“	I'm Autistic, having Aspergers Syndrome, i have an IQ of 145, an Eidetic memory to do with sounds and am lucky enough to suffer from Bipolar disorder.	„
—Ironholds, suffering all the diseases that come from too much Wikipedia

“	I met him a few years ago in London. He struck me as a sad character, quite bitter that he had trained as a lawyer, but had only been able to find probate work, which he was contemptuous of, and which he implied was beneath his talent and his dignity.	„
—Peter Damian

“	Our legal or operations teams are not driven by community consensus, and the chances of us releasing the information are....infidecimally small.	„
—Ironholds tries out a two dollar word

Oliver Keyes (going by the street handle "Ironholds"), is a notorious Wikipedia vandal, disgraced Wikipedia sysop, and the pimp-daddy of Wikipedia IRC, scoring every bitch that dares chat in the vicinity of his e-masculinity. Having accomplished his lifetime dream of working for Wikimedia Foundation, he now spends his golden years unleashing anger in public IRC channels, and then having his rage elevated once he realizes people may remember his words and/or actions.

Ironholds later deleted his userpage because of this article. Last Thursday, he was de-adminned after evidence of his Wikipedia vandalism surfaced at an ArbCom case.

Ironholds x Fluffernutter

His top-bottom bitch

Artistic rendition

At one point Ironholds shacked up with fellow TOW admin and known cougar Karen Ingraffea Brown, aka Fluffernutter, at her New Jersey home while he was staying in the USA. He was quick to slip her some alcohol, and began getting to work on her overweight ass. She, being under the influence cheap boxed wine and her moistening vag, could not think her actions through properly and thus shared their ugly, ugly love in the public #wikipedia-en channel. This was obviously a very good idea.

19:57:22 < tyw7> Ironholds: I think Fluffernutter_ is currently afk
19:57:27 < tyw7> see Fluff|laptop instead
19:57:49 < Ironholds> tyw7: she's sitting next to me and I just slapped her arse
19:57:51 < Fluff|laptop> yeah, he's talking to the wrong me
19:57:51 < Ironholds> trust me, I know
19:57:57 < Fluff|laptop> no he didn't
19:58:00 < Fluff|laptop> he has terrible aim
19:58:03 < Fluff|laptop> he poked me in the hip
19:58:12 < Fluff|laptop> and now he just pinched my ass
19:58:19 < Peter-C> O_O
19:59:11 < Fluff|laptop> you'd think he'd have figured hiow to slap asses by now, but nooo
19:59:51 < tyw7> why is he slapping your ass?
20:00:00 < Ironholds> tyw7: we're fucking
20:00:02 < Fluff|laptop> why not? we DID say we're bored
20:00:06 < tyw7> O_o
20:00:12 < Ironholds> I mean, we're not fucking right now
20:00:15 < tyw7> Ironholds: you are fucking Fluff|laptop
20:00:16 < Fluff|laptop> Ironholds, see, no one believes you when you say that
20:00:17 < Ironholds> but as a general principle, we fuck
20:00:24 < Ironholds> tyw7: jeremyb didn't believe me either
20:00:29 < Ironholds> and we kissed in front of him and everythign
20:00:30 < Fluff|laptop> jeremyb practically rolled his eyes
20:00:33 < tyw7> you two are married?
20:00:37 < Fluff|laptop> baahaha
20:00:37 < Ironholds> tyw7: no, we just fuck
20:00:51 < Fluff|laptop> marry me, darling. we can drive each other insane for eternity
20:00:54 < tyw7> what would your wives/husband say? or are you single?
20:01:02 < Fluff|laptop> we're single
20:01:05 < Logan_> omai
20:01:19 < Ironholds> tyw7: dude, I'm TWENTY
20:01:22 < Fluff|laptop> haha
20:01:23 < Ironholds> I'm not married
20:01:27 Resfirestar is now known as res|starcraft
20:01:34 < Fluff|laptop> he's not married, he's just a babydaddy
20:01:39 < tyw7> Ironholds: really? I'm 18!
20:01:46 < tyw7> how old are you Fluff|laptop
20:01:49 < Ironholds> tyw7: well, nobody's perfect
20:01:50  * Fluff|laptop grins
20:01:52  * Courcelles never knows what is erious in this channel.  Ever.
20:01:58 < Logan_> erious?
20:02:00  * Fluff|laptop is far too old to be sleeping with Ironholds, let's just say
20:02:39 < Ironholds> Courcelles: we are actually being serious
20:02:47 < Ironholds> oh dear GOD THIS PRESENTATION IS DULL
20:02:53 < Ironholds> fuck this, I'm going for a smoke
20:02:56 < ^3^> You could leave?
20:02:59 < ^3^> Oh, nvm
20:03:06 < Fluff|laptop> Ironholds: do you think it will move them along if i make a show of falling asleep on your shoulder?
20:03:10 < Logan_> Ironholds: I thought you quit
20:03:16 < Ironholds> Logan_: quit what?
20:03:19 < Logan_> smoking
20:03:25 < Ironholds> Fluff|laptop: try going BOOOO! GET OFF THE STAGE!
20:03:29 < Peter-C> OMG Ironholds and Fluff|laptop need to get an apartment >:(
20:03:34  * Fluff|laptop looks shifty, suddenly decides she's a smoker if it means i can get out of here for ten minutes
20:03:36 < ^3^> Or a motel.
20:03:36 < Ironholds> Logan_: then I applied for a WMF job and tripled my stress levels
20:03:40 < Logan_> heh.
20:03:41 < Ironholds> Peter-C: we've GOT one. It's hers.
20:03:44 < Fluff|laptop> ^
20:03:49 < Peter-C> :O
20:03:50 < Fluff|laptop> brb
20:03:59 < Peter-C> Fluff|laptop has the dominant role in this relationship
20:04:09 < Logan_> you could have the marriage at the WMF headquarters
20:04:30 < tyw7> Ironholds: are you typing while in the meeting?
20:04:34 < tyw7> Say hi to Jimbo for me
20:04:35 < Peter-C> Logan_ - Jimbo could be the priest!
20:04:39 < Logan_> haha
20:04:52 < Nascar1996> ...
20:05:00 < Logan_> I declare you WikiHusband and WikiWife.
20:06:40 < tyw7> Ironholds: say hi to all the wikipedians for me ;)
20:10:26 < Ironholds> back
20:10:29 < Fluff|laptop> Peter-C: oh, if only you knew
20:10:37 < Fluff|laptop> Ironholds: we should photograph my bruises
20:10:41 < tyw7> Ironholds: who else is there at the meeting?
20:10:49 < tyw7> Fluff|laptop: and make it public domain?
20:10:51 < Fluff|laptop> lol
20:11:02 < Fluff|laptop> i have a rather spectacular one on my forearm
20:11:29 < NA_0> Bruises? What did I miss?
20:11:40 < tyw7> NA_0: Ironholds pinching and slapping Fluff|laptop
20:11:41 < Fluff|laptop> <_<
20:11:49 < Fluff|laptop> there's been very little pinching
20:12:11 < Fluff|laptop> or slapping, for that matter
20:12:29 < tyw7> and romping... :D
20:13:05 < Ironholds> romping, lots of that
20:13:08 < Fluff|laptop> hee
20:13:10 < Ironholds> Fluffernutter looks like she has hypothermia
20:13:16 < Fluff|laptop> ...?
20:13:37 < Ironholds> all blue
20:13:46 < Fluff|laptop> most of them are yellow and purple at this point
20:13:50 < Fluff|laptop> you've fallen behind
20:13:58 < tyw7> how can you romp in a Wikipedian meeting?
20:14:17 < Fluff|laptop> tyw7: you don't want to know what he just suggested to me in pm
20:14:36  * tyw7 fluffs Fluff|laptop 
20:14:43 < Fluff|laptop> ew
20:14:46 < Fluff|laptop> hands off
20:15:05 < Ironholds> tyw7: blowjob in the stairwell
20:15:13 < Fluff|laptop> i said he didn't want to know, dude
20:15:24 < tyw7> lol O_o
20:15:27 < p858snake|l_> ironholds has alot of experience in that dept >.>
20:15:43 < Fluff|laptop> the stairwell is very creaky
20:15:56 < Peter-C> p858snake|l_ - giving or reciving?
20:16:08 < Fluff|laptop> also i kissed him on our way up the stairs and he was all "omg why are you touching me ew"
20:16:48 < p858snake|l_> Peter-C: I don't think it matters when you are talking about Ironholds <.<
20:16:53 < Fluff|laptop> lol
20:16:55 < Fluff|laptop> so true

To further the hilarity, while she was in the UK and performing more sex acts at Ironholds' home in England, Fluffernutter was turned down a much needed ride to the airport by Ironholds because he simply had better things to do with his time than give a ride to the woman that just sucked your genitals.

Don't Be a Dick

“	[19:58] <Ironholds> You should however have instead taken your pen, punched a hole in her windpipe and looked on as her attempts to wave for help got increasingly feeble.	„

“	<Ironholds> actually, Jimbo gets massive amounts of pussy thrown his way	„

“	[12:19:35 A] <Sophiie> hi, can a page be undeleted just to see what it once was? [12:19:47 A] <Ironholds> Sophiie, fuck off and die [12:19:50 A] <Ironholds> thank you	„

“	[01:46] <Ironholds> it's 6:46am here and I'm insulting you using words you clearly don't understand [01:46] <Ironholds> I think I win. [01:46] <Ironholds> Anyway, now we're both in agreement that I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire - but would in all other circumstances - I shall bid you adieu. I can go back to work, you can go back to...whatever it is you do	„

“	[01:51] <Ironholds> I am trying to demonstrate how much I want you to leave me the fuck alone and never come near me again [01:51] <Ironholds> I hope we're clear on this [01:51] <Ktr102> i have fucking noticed [01:52] <Ironholds> swearing doesn't suit you, deary [01:52] <Ktr102> ... [01:52] <Ktr102> night [01:52] <Ironholds> it's like seeing a mongrel do algebra	„

“	[00:06] <Ironholds> he is a narrow-minded beardy fuckwit who understands half of what he's talking about and can communicate maybe a quarter. If you gave me a copy of his book I would choose to eat it before I chose to read it. He thinks that the gendergap is all about gender. Fucking moron	„
—on Professor Joseph Reagle

“	02:26 < Ironholds> I had to download it illegally because of their bullshit regioning 02:26 < Ironholds> result: they are poorer and I still have the damn music 02:26 < Qcoder00_> Ironholds: OMG You evil pirated stuff? 02:26 < Ironholds> ESTABLISHED MUSIC INDUSTRY PLAN: WORKS FLAWLESSLY.	„
—Oliver Keyes, WMF employee admits to piracy in #wikipedia-en

“	[20:22] <+Ironholds> badmachine, I'm not in any kind of relationship with the declining sysop. Shut your pie-hole. [20:22] <badmachine> lol [20:22] <+Ironholds> indeed, for the longest of times she wanted to break my neck [20:23] <badmachine> what a thing for the community liaison to say [20:23] <+Ironholds> I'm here in a personal role	„

“	<Ironholds> me, you and Dragonfly spent 20 minutes working out if it was physically possible to suck that many cocks in that period of time <Ironholds> in my experience it is	„

“	01:12 < TParis> Ironholds: You silly guy 01:12 < TParis> You gotta revdel the edit in the middle too: http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Gun_politics_in_New_Zealand&oldid=561596433 01:12 < TParis> *shakes head* Can't ever give you OS tools... 01:15 < Ironholds> TParis: oh, sod off. Kiefer needs his rubdown. 01:15 < TParis> Well, you grab the oil, I'll meet you there. 01:17 < Ironholds> only if I'm allowed to bring a lighter.	„

08:38:32 <Ironholds>     ...you've been talking to my ex, haven't you? ;p
08:39:16 *       sonia neither confirms nor denies this.
08:40:00 <Ironholds>     well, if you have, tell her she's a bitch and I hope she gets cat AIDS
08:41:16 <Ironholds>     and if you have not, avoid her
08:41:24 <Ironholds>     she's a despicable human being, and that's ME saying that
08:45:41 <Ironholds>     sonia: what?
08:46:37 <Ironholds>     sonia: we dated for five years, from the age of 15. High-school sweethearts, as it were. Then I found out she'd spent those five years cheating on me, lying to me, being jealous of my female friends without ever telling me anything, the whole kit and kaboodle. And I was the one left fucked up. I think I'm fairly justified to wish harm upon her.
08:46:47 <sonia> ...wow.
08:47:38 <Ironholds>     and when I say "lying to me"
08:47:58 <Ironholds>     I mean "when things went bad, she assured me that we'd try our best to fix stuff, then spent 5 months planning how to dump me without saying a word"
08:48:25 <Ironholds>     it finally came to a head when we were out on a date one day and I went "things are getting better, right?" and she turned to me and went "yup. You know I'm still dumping you, right?"

Wikipedia vandalism

“	the current record for penis size is 80 foot by Oliver Keyes.	„
—IP 80.177.10.254, totally not Ironholds' IP

During and Ironholds his recent Arbcom case, it was revealed that Ironholds has been vandalizing Wikipedia for years. By Ironholds forgetting to sign, Ironholds exposes his IP as 80.177.10.254. This edit at Simple English Wikipedia shows Ironholds abusing a Simple English user he does not like. Here, Ironholds vandalizes Ottava Rima's user talk page at the Meta wiki.

“	Fr33kman, you really are a fucking moron. How the hell did you ever get any kind of technical privileges? "simple English Wikipedia" does not translate as "Wikipedia for English simpletons".	„
—Fr33kman's talk page at Simple Wikipedia.

“	all together now, *twaaaaaaat*	„
—Ironholds, pride of the Wikimedia Foundation.

“	after being shown to be an astounding cunt, and I will be gone for at least the duration of finishing my real life work - or until I decide that my return will get me, the gawping narcissistic camera-slut that I am, sufficient attention.	„
—Verbose vandalism to Ottava Rima's Meta-wiki userpage

“	the current record for penis size is 80 foot by Oliver Keyes.	„
—From 2006. His more recent vandalism is less penis oriented

For a complete list of Ironholds' vandalism and sockpuppetry, see this link.

See also

• lol irony

External links

• Ironholds v Kiefer.Wolfowitz ArbCom case, in which a prolific editor gets banned, but the abusive staffer does not
• Wikipediocracy
• IRC shenanigans at The Wikipedia Review
• Ironholds is a backstabber
• (WMF) Okeyes (WMF), for Wikimedia Foundation shit
• Buy my textbooks for me kthx.
• Ironholds' as Mentifisto at Wikipedia Review. This is Ironholds' idea of "trolling".
• His blog (copy and paste the link if it doesn't work)
• @quominus Twitter
• Old media takes notice of Keyes' behavior

Seven RFAs

• First request] as talk:O keyes O Keyes
• Second request
• Third request after changing his username to Ironholds
• Fourth request
• Fifth request
• Sixth request
• The seventh request was granted out of pity, and quickly revoked. Notice the nominator, Barking Fish, flounced from Wikipedia while claiming to run a sock farm.